Lessons From the Clutter of Divorce

Today at Intent.com, the Forbes Sisters write about the emotional difficulties of the stuff that can be left behind after a divorce in “Divorce and Clutter Clearing: The Process of Letting Go.” The story about the wedding dress is especially relevant for anyone faced with cleaning up during or after a divorce, but it illustrates several other important points that are relevant to all of us.

Under the Influence of a Balky Mouse

I’ve been having problems with my computer mouse for the last two days. The mouse can no longer be entirely relied upon to click when I press the button or to unclick at the right time when I release it. This can cause obvious problems when I’m working on the computer, especially if I drag an item to the wrong place on the screen or select the wrong menu item because the mouse button is balking. Ideally, such a mouse should be replaced immediately, but to save myself the expense of a shopping trip, I’ve decided to live with the problem for two weeks while I order a new one and have it delivered.

You adapt quickly and unconsciously to the circumstances you are working in. Under the influence of a balky mouse, I find that I am doing more writing. I do writing mostly with the computer keyboard, without relying too much on the mouse, so my writing work isn’t deterred by a mouse that isn’t quite working.

The Big Secret and What It Costs

Bruce Muzik, speaking at TEDxSinCity on May 14, talked about “The Big Secret Nobody Wants to Tell.” I don’t think I’m giving too much away by explaining that “the big secret” does not mean what it sometimes means, when you’re afraid everyone but you knows what’s going on. This time, it’s the reverse. The big secret is any recurring conflict that permeates your life that you never get any help with because you never mention it, afraid of what might happen if people find out.

This state of living is more debilitating than people realize. It can ruin your mood and fill up your time in ways that defy rational explanation. It can seem that there is no way out. Stevie Nicks writes of a character with a big secret: “She rarely goes out/She spends every day/Waiting for the day/When everybody finds out.” People in this state lie awake at night wondering what to do. The suspense of waiting for people to uncover your big secret is as painful as any other long-term suspense. The solution, Bruce says, is to own up to it.

Joey Fatone’s Big Sale

Former *Nsync singer Joey Fatone knew he had a problem. From the story in CNNMoney:

“I have too much shit,” is what Joey Fatone said when asked why he’s holding a massive estate sale this weekend.

The former member of *Nsync — one of the most famous boy bands of all time — is selling off the entire contents of his Orlando, Fla. home.

“Obviously, I Also Want _________”

We don’t really want most of the things we think we want. This is one of the biggest problems with goal setting and time management systems. You can work for years toward a big goal you select, such as your “dream home,” when it isn’t what you really want.

Most of our goals come from ideas that were planted in minds by cultural and commercial influences. We know that not all our goals are really our own by the way we react when we achieve our biggest goals. Sometimes, so be sure, achieving a goal is a life-changing experience, filling us with such a glow or so changing our view of ourselves or our place in the world that we know it is a step forward. Other times, though, a big achievement is an excuse to throw a party, but not much more than that. Our daily lives don’t really change, and especially, the feeling we bring to our daily lives doesn’t change. Or worse, achieving a big goal can be a big let-down, possibly even throwing us into a depression for weeks as we say, “Is this all there is?”

Planning When the Future Is Unknown

Yesterday, as every day, we saw examples of the difficulty of planning. The big events of the day turned out not to be the ones that were loudly predicted the day before. Predictions are based on guesses and hidden assumptions and often turn out to be wrong. The future is unknown, so how can you ever plan anything?

Packing Peanuts

I had to admit it: the packing peanuts were starting to pile up.

About once a month I send or receive a shipment padded with packing peanuts. When I receive a box with styrofoam packing peanuts, I save them for the boxes I’ll be sending out.

Spring Cleaning at Fukushima Daiichi

There is no surer sign of spring than a cherry tree in bloom. Cherry blossoms are a tradition here in Pennsylvania, where I took this photo a few days ago. Pennsylvania’s flowering cherry trees originated in Japan, where the cherry blossom tradition goes back at least 1,700 years.

This week in Japan, the blossoms have probably extended as far north as Fukushima. The arrival of spring there this year is a bittersweet and surreal moment. For the first time in the city’s history, no one can see the cherry blossoms. No one is doing any spring cleaning. No one is there at all. The city had to be evacuated because of the unfolding nuclear disaster at the Fukushima Daiichi power plant, and residents heard over the weekend that they may not be returning home until next year.